This blog was originally posted 11/14/2009

So I’m a huge fan of Chalene Johnson, A fitness trainer and very inspirational woman who is always preaching about the power of believing in yourself and making goals and to-do lists.

So.. In the spirit..

My goals for the future:
1) Finish my BSN since I am already into it.
2) 150lbs. Oh yeah.. It’s a long way off.. but it’s my goal.
3) Find relief from my chronic pain through medical treatment, diet, and exercise.
4) Become a certified personal trainer. I am hoping to someday be able to help others with my nursing knowledge and the experience I will have gained from my current endeavor to get healthier.
5) I am thinking about finding a way to use my history of rape/sexual/domestic abuse to help other people. I haven’t decided yet just how that is.

Short-term goals:
1) Remind myself everyday something in my life that I am thankful for. I have so much bad in my life right now it’s easy to forget about the wonderful. I need to start reminding myself that I have a lot in my life to be grateful for and happy with.
2) Sort out my current financial situation.
3) Entirely cut out all liquid calories. *The occasional healthy fruit juice will be acceptable but only when ok with my caloric intake.
4) Track all foods eaten. You are more accountable when you can see it.
5) Find new ways to get active. It is difficult right now with the pain, but I know i need it.. for my weight, sanity, health, and back.
6) Return to therapy to continue to deal with the issues I have been facing recently along with the continued control that my sexual abuse history still holds on my life.
7) Come up with new things for this list every day 🙂

I struggle every day through pain, depression, fear, and loneliness. I am trying to change my way of life and my line of thinking to be more positive and let myself take some valuable life changing lesson out of this struggle I am in. I have heard countless people tell me pragmatic sunshiney-happy sayings like “don’t worry.. it can only get better from here” and the ever popular “everything happens for a reason.” While it’s always wonderful to know that people love and care about you and worry about your physical and mental health, I have to tell you that hearing these things usually makes me want to either cry hysterically or slap someone.

NOW.. I know.. I know.. I just said I’m going to start trying to live my life all shiney-happy-glass-half-full.. and I am.. but I must admit that right now people who are like that make me want to pull my hair out. Maybe it’s because I have NEVER been that way. I have always been a pessimist and a critic. I have too many bad experiences not to right? Well.. I am starting now.. I am going to be that annoyingly happy, chipper, glass half-full person. Will it make a difference? Who knows. I know I can’t change it overnight but hopefully if I can sit down at the end of the day and look at whatever frustrating or bad thing happened to me and try to see the positive in that thing then I am off to a good start.

SO.. My Shiney-Happy moment for today: The whole family has cabin-fever. We’ve been locked up together for three straight days during a storm! While this storm completely tested my patience and ability to love and see my amazing little man and all he wonderful things he has learned .

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