Giddyup Cowboys and Cowgirls.. Jen is back on the horse. If by horse you mean meds, of course.

I have been struggling for months again with realizing I was spiraling down into a bad place. It is difficult to recognize when you are becoming dark and twisted. I began having my nightmares again about 3 months ago and have been struggling with sleep deprivation because of it. The sleep deprivation is of course causing wild mood swings and a great deal of anger issues. I have caught myself blowing up on my son for no real reason whatsoever. After a few months I got to the point that I was coming home from work and going straight to my bed, turning on the TV, and not paying any attention to my son until it was time to kiss him goodnight.

Needless to say, this is no way to live and it’s certainly no way for my son to live. I finally broke down and sought out some help. I found a new psychiatrist who is willing and able to do the counseling sessions himself. This is a huge relief since it means I will only be accruing one copay per visit. I started back on my old antidepressant (Pristiq) but was also began on a low dose mood stabilizer called Abilify which has been shown in several new clinical studies to increase the effectiveness of antidepressant therapy by a very significant percentage. I have been on the new meds for only a week and a half but I am already SIGNIFICANTLY better. I have been able to come home from work, shop, cook dinner, clean, play with Ethan, and still have the energy and desire to read before bed. Things are looking up.

My life has been hectic lately. In the last three to four months I have many changes… Some good and some not-so-good. I got a promotion at work which means a new job and whole new load of stressors. Ethan and I moved into our new apartment which has created quite the financial burden. The man I love is in some trouble and I’m dealing with that as best I know how. My car broke and is running me 700$. I could add so many more items to that list but I will leave it at those. That’s enough to push anyone over the edge, right?

I am thankful for my life and my amazing son and I am working very hard to get my life back on track and stay on that hypothetical horse. ❤

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” ~Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You’ll Go)